As another Mother’s Day rolls around, I first want to extend my spirit-felt blessings to mothers everywhere. Although we set aside a single day to focus attention on how very special mothers are, motherhood is something that stays with you every day of your life, and you all deserve to be celebrated, cherished, and loved for your Sacred Feminine self every moment.
The arrival of Mother’s Day also finds me thinking about my entry into motherhood. Once a woman becomes a mother, whether her child comes naturally, through adoption, is a close friend’s child, or even if a job allows you to work with children such as a teacher….
“Mother” is permanently embodied in your being, whether you fully embrace it, deny it vigorously, or fall somewhere in between.
You are forever touched by this sacred honor.
More than a decade ago, I thought I was fully prepared for childbirth and motherhood. After all, millions of women before me had done it. Women I knew intimately, casually, or not at all. Women I admired and those I did not. I was about to join the club of Mothers, and little did I know that while we might share a title, each member has her own unique experiences, memories, emotions, and lessons she must face when becoming a mother.
One of the biggest and completely unexpected lessons I learned is that as you journey through childhood as a parent, you are forced to confront your own painful past. I believed I had put my past behind me, gained my hard-fought-for independence, and achieved a sense of security in my new life with my husband and now our new child, a beautiful little girl.
Yet it seemed I would be able to avoid my earlier years. As a friend of mine who practices reiki and energy work once told me,
“It’s a karmic mystery that we must heal through our children.”
No one warns you about this little detail before you get pregnant; at least no one told me.
So there I was with an extraordinary child we named Sofia and I was filled with mixed emotions. On one hand, I was experiencing the heights of joy as I held this tiny gift of life and love. I realized we have a limited amount of time with our children, and that my goal was to make my time with her count. As her mother, I realized I had to do the best I could for her. I wanted to teach her things I never learned and make her childhood so very different than my own had been.
All of this new responsibility as a mother also came with the realization that I had to come face-to-face again with the painful issues and resentment I held of my own childhood memories. Once again I had to heal from the past in order to move ahead toward the future, and this time it was my daughter’s future at stake as well. If I wanted to pass along self-love, self-care, compassion, and a relationship with the Divine Feminine within, I had to make sure I had those lessons down pat as well.
I also realized that having my daughter enter my life meant I had a second chance to learn how to feel my emotions. Like a mother bird, I would take in all the positive, self-fulfilling feelings and then feed them to my child, nourishing her with sacred eternal wisdoms and truths. That was a gift I could give to my daughter, but it also was a gift I was bestowing upon myself.
Sofia is now 12 going on 30. Often I remind myself that she, nor my son Sebastian, are mine to keep. They are on loan. I can give them strength, courage, and tools to take with them as they fly into the world. I pray they will soar and be warmed, but not burnt, by the sun. And I will keep my arms wide open, giving them freedom to be, and welcoming them back.